"I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect."

"You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old."

"Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples."

"I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the last one left."

"Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair."

"If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it."

"Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."

"When I was fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have him around. When I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years."

"Business today consists in persuading crowds."

"Women should be obscene and not heard."

"All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players.They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts..."

"The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause."