"If something is too hard to do, then it's not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the closet next to your shortwave radio, your karate outfit and your unicycle and we'll go inside and watch TV."

"Warning signs that lover is bored: 1. Passionless kisses 2. Frequent sighing 3. Moved, left no forwarding address."

"Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa."

"What if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder."

"If money is the root of all evil, then why do we have to have jobs?"

"When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!"

"No man is good enough to govern another man without that other's consent."

"If you want to be happy for a year, plant a garden; if you want to be happy for life, plant a tree."

"Life only demands from you the strength you possess. Only one feat is possible - not to have run away."

"Quality is never an accident; it is always the result of intelligent effort."

"I have learned not to worry about love; but to honor its coming with all my heart."

"I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back."